Pruning Season

I suppose it is a time for an update, a moment to reflect on the journey I have traversed. The holidays have come and gone, a season filled with both nostalgia and new beginnings. Now, we find ourselves in the year 2025, a milestone that once seemed distant and unattainable. In theory, I should still be incarcerated, serving out my sentence behind bars. My sentenced outdate was set for January 25, 2025, a date that loomed large in my mind as a marker of time lost. However, with the combination of halfway house time, good behavior credits, the First Step Act credits, and, most importantly, the grace of God, I find myself at home, a reality I am still coming to terms with. I want you to know that I am genuinely happy and healthy, experiencing the simple joys of life that I once took for granted. Yet, at the same time, it has not been easy coming back into the world outside those walls. The transition has been filled with challenges and obstacles that I must navigate. I have a lot of rebuilding and pruning to do in my life, akin to a gardener tending to overgrown plants that have lost their shape and vitality. In many ways, this moment presents itself as an invaluable opportunity to create the life I truly want, one that aligns with my values and aspirations rather than the confines of my past. I have come to realize that before, I was trapped in the prison of my own mind—locked in a life I thought I was obligated to lead. Each day felt like a repetition of the last, waking up and going to a job that no longer fulfilled me simply because it was what I had done the day before. I welcomed people into my orbit, not because they enriched my life, but because they had always been there, or out of a sense of obligation, despite their toxic presence. Now, I am in the process of pruning those aspects of my life that no longer serve me. If plants could talk, I imagine they would express that pruning hurts, but it is an essential step for growth and renewal. Just as a gardener carefully trims away the dead and overgrown branches to allow new blooms to flourish, I am learning to let go of relationships and situations that weigh me down. This process is not without its pain, but I understand that it is a necessary part of cultivating a healthier and more fulfilling existence. I am committed to nurturing the seeds of potential within me, allowing them to grow into something beautiful and vibrant. Each day is a new opportunity to shape my future, and I am embracing it with open arms.

Although things have not been easy in a few ways that feel too personal to put on a blog, things have also been beautiful. I am the luckiest girl in the world. I have beautiful people in my life. I got home in September and immediately had two jobs (not the right fit for me - but I had two jobs nonetheless), I immediately was given back part custody - I get to see them every other weekend and I have them often when they are on break from school - we are in the middle of litigation so i tend to remain silent on that case but know -I am fighting hard for them to come home. I was afforded the opportunity to travel to Chicago and be in a national pageant in which I won first runner up among other awards. I got to work our local Dancing with the Stars which was a success! I then was in a play with three parts and we had 8 performances which was a success!! THEN I got my babies home for a long Christmas break which filled my heart. They were my gift. THEN I was asked and paid to model NYE as a Vegas style showgirl. That was a wonderful experience, and I couldn't believe I was paid to do it. I have often thought "who am I that I get to do all of these really neat things immediately out of prison? I am a felon. How am I so lucky?". I am lucky. But I am reminded that just as a 1.00 that is crumpled up and thrown in the trash and filled with dirty - it is still worth 1.00. It never loses its value. I am more than a piece of monetary paper - Even more than that 1.00, I don't lose my value. No matter what you go through, you don't lose your value and you deserve to do the things that make your heart tick quicker and bring you delight.

Sometimes when it feels like it is falling apart, it is really falling together. Life is taking me somewhere new. New job, new friends (but keeping some old), new experiences, new opportunities. I think of the butterfly trying to bust out of the cocoon. A little boy sees it struggling and he breaks it out to help it. However, the butterfly can't fly. It can't do what it was meant to do. You see, it needed to struggle. Without the struggle it was not able to do what it was created to do. I see that in us friends. We need the adversity to become who we are meant to be. Find the message in the mess. Find the purpose in the pain. Turn the struggle into something meaningful. It is in pursuing the difficult thing that provides meaning.

So to bottom line it - I am doing well. I have been lucky in my return home...but I am pruning, and I still am in the arena fighting the battle. I so appreciate your support and that you are here in this journey.

Hold on to your forks. Better is coming.